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Fishing To Be Added As Winter Olympic Event In 2010
By A.J. Klott
The Winter Olympics....
Once again the fishing world has been ignored.
As I sit watching a spine tingling, heart thumping, always tension packed
Olympic Curling event competition, I can't help but wonder why a fishing event
has never been represented in the Olympics.
What are they trying to say?
Are they saying that there is no athletic prowess involved when trying to flick
a #12 Adams to a 20 inch ring created by the kiss of an 18 inch Rainbow trout!
Is the firing of a high powered rifle after skiing around on a pair of wooden
planks any more demanding than fording a riffle packed stream and tossing a
chunk of power bait deftly into the "honeyhole" pocket containing an 8 inch
stocker?
I see no difference.
But then I'm an idiot.
Or am I? Let's at least take a look at some future options for the winter
Olympics, that can finally give the fisherman his due when it comes to skill and
athleticism....
1) What event shows stamina and grit more than ice fishing? I propose a winter
Olympic event that is comprised of ice fishing. In this event, contestants will
be timed on their ability to saw a hole in 8 to 10 inches of a frozen lake
surface, run in sneakers across the frozen ice to a designated staging area
where they will grab up a rod, and stool, and sprint back across the ice to the
open hole, bait up, and sit for hours in a fierce northern wind. The athlete
then will hopefully, eventually catch a fish, pull his fish from the ice hole,
drop it in a bucket, and sprint again across the ice, into a 1975 Ford pick- up
truck, drive across the finish line to the cheers, flag waving, and cow bell
jingling of his fellow countrymen.
More challenges? Perhaps a couple of fellas name Swen and Ole can sit across
from the contestant and constantly be throwing a verbal barrage of "You Betcha's"
and "Don't ya know's" at the athlete, as he or she agonizingly attempts to coax
a fish out of the water.
Talk about grit!!
Of course the Norwegian contingent might not have a problem with this and be at
a decided advantage. HOW do you say "you betcha" in Norwegian anyway?
We will all watch as the hole starts to skim over with ice, and the athlete
frantically chips away at the hole to keep it ice free. All the while precious
time clicks away as the fish only nibbles at the bait.
They can even hold this event indoors at the Olympic Hockey or Figure Skating
venues. It might even make the hockey games more interesting with a few holes in
the ice, and figure skating? PLEASE... a double axle into a gaping hole in the
ice will add more excitement than Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan living in the
same trailer park. Or they can leave a few frozen fish on the ice to help add to
the Olympic ambiance.
The events could also easily be held as a "two man" competition with one athlete
fishing, while the other builds an ice shack.
If the extreme thrill of the Downhill is your cup a tea, imagine if they hold
the event on thin melting ice. The now famous runs of Franz Klammer and Hermann
Maier will pale in comparison to the crackling of ice beneath the ice
fisherman's stool as he scrambles for shore before disappearing into the frigid
waters.
Talk about the agony of defeat....
2)Boat Slalom. Never mind the luge, bobsled, or skeleton (which at first glance
appear to require the two major athletic skills of courage and alcohol), try
standing up in a drift boat while running a classIV rapid with a 40 pound salmon
stripping line off of your reel, hell bent for return to the ocean. Yes,
athletes in ten layers of clothing including the mandatory flannel outer jacket,
will try to stay afoot while "the driver" navigates the boulder choked channel
of a stream. Not only are the contestants timed in this event, but style points
are given for the degree of difficulty the athlete shows while doing "gunnel
grabs", "spins", and the ever popular "aerials". Throw in a number of slalom
gates, and you have the making of an event made for television. Fall in or lose
your salmon, and it's sorry Charlie--see you in four years.
"OOOHHH, tough break Vern--Elwood has been training all his life for this
moment, and to see it all go overboard in one instant is heartbreaking...."
3) No offense to our Canadian friends north of the border, but --CURLING!!!
CURLING!! A combination of bowling on ice and a group of shop keepers trying to
keep the storefront spiffy.
Gawd, the winters must be awful up there.
Outside of the obvious "sex appeal" of the Olympic Curling events, the only
thing more thrilling would be to watch Dick Cheney go quail hunting.
But, given that there is a place on the podium for chiseled curling athletes,
I'm sure we could find a spot for the skilled athleticism of the Winter Fly
Tying Team ! This event would obviously be dominated by the American squad,
which has trained year round in a meat locker in Detroit. Size #28 midge after
miserable size #28 midge, the Americans have relentlessly been training, by
tying these little buggers to 8x tippet--in a meat locker kept at 14 degrees
below zero.
That's minus 26 Celsius for our European competitors.
There at the Olympic Fly Tying arena, in frigid weather, teams of fly tiers will
take to the vice, and tie up various flys. We will watch pained expressions and
complete intense concentration as athletes try to get their fingers to work in
the icy cold. We will hold our breath as they try to get the hackle and dubbing
just right. Precious time will tick away as they blow on their hands, and we
watch split screen images of just where the Olympic hopefuls lost time along the
way.
Of course, in this two day event, athletes will be judged on speed, style,
difficulty, and the ability to catch and release fish.
So, here's to the athletes of the XX th Olympiad, and I will see you fishing rod
in hand, in Vancouver in 2010.
A.J. Klott Author, writer of fishing humor, and "fly tack" peddler. A.J. writes
about the people, characters and modern day events that surround the fishing
world. His first book is due out in December of 2005. If you need a laugh or a
fun gift, visit his website at:
http://www.twoguyswithflys.com
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